I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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