Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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