She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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