To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
kristin has been a bad kristin
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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