I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I touched a dick in church today
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
