tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize