I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
