We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
me + whiskey = a bad person
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's shark week go big or go home
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
