I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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