I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
