While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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