dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
