How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
