I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
