we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
