his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
