How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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