Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
