mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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