So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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