one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
