Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
