I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
