pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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