you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
