Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
