I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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