i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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