Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
