Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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