So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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