Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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