oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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