Swine flu. Run for my life!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize