I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
