we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize