My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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