I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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