Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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