I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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