I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
