well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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