do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
