That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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