I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if only i could text you this smell
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
