i jhust puked up my retainher.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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