Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize