Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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