Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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