Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He kissed a someone with a penis
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
