That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
