i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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