Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
