I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
