hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
