I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
