Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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