Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
