Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Randomize
