he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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