omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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