Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
