i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
