her vagine was all disorganized.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
