We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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