WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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