I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
