How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
