Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
