I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
