He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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