Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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