Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
