our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize