I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
